Mental Health
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Halloween
It’s coming up to Halloween and I have teenagers. My eldest, Dylan, isn’t remotely interested (aside from insisting Nathan shares his haul.) Nathan, still wants to go trick-or-treating. This year he is going dressed up as a badger. I think he only wants to go because it’s one of the few times he gets access… Continue reading
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Ways of Grieving
Today is the two year anniversary of mum’s death. A few weeks ago my dad called my sister to ask her permission to take his new ‘friend’ to our holiday home on Andros. He told my sister he wasn’t sure how to broach it with me. When I called him, he told me they were… Continue reading
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Current state of affairs
I’ve been thinking a lot about current affairs recently, and their effect on mental health. A couple of weeks ago I engaged in a Facebook post. I normally lurk. The algorithm mostly spits up posts from people who have retired early and are living their best lives. I think it’s trying to tell me something.… Continue reading
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Do the scary things
Since J’s suicide, I’ve tried very hard to do more scary things. I don’t mean dangerous or extreme stuff. Just things that scare me, are outside of my comfort zone. I’ve spoken before about my dating life. Update: it hasn’t improved since writing that post. I still live in the sticks, in a village that… Continue reading
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Chain Reaction
The kids still talk about J a lot, usually to reminisce about something funny he said or did. It yanks me backwards, when I am trying to move forwards, towards the future. I have been single since he died, and the thing I miss most about him is his sense of adventure, his childish delight… Continue reading
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DO MORE ART
My average daily screen-time is creeping up, week on week. There’s me nagging the boys in a post-Adolescence panic, and all the while my own screen addiction has oh-so-quietly unfurled its wicked tendrils and wrapped them around me. I’ve just checked again and my daily average for last week, I am embarrassed to say, was… Continue reading
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Thing theory
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff. I have a lot of it, I want less of it. I have an urge to simplify my life after losing J to suicide. In films when someone dies, their room is left untouched with the door kept closed. Like a shrine, there is an aversion to… Continue reading
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Drinking and grieving, grieving and drinking
I have been sober for seven months. Before anyone thinks I am super-human, this is only something I was ready to try after the two-year anniversary of J’s suicide. I should also add that drinking isn’t a coping mechanism I employed consistently in my grief. In the days or weeks (I can’t remember) following his… Continue reading
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Time to Talk
Talking about mental health at work isn’t enough to remove the stigma surrounding suicide. The problem is, I don’t know what is. I’m not that big on social media. TikTok is beyond me (I plan to keep it that way), and I deleted Twitter (I still can’t bring myself to call it X) as soon… Continue reading
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Telling the kids
How do you tell your kids that their step-dad died by suicide? I have always tried to be as honest as possible with my two sons when they’ve asked me questions. Even the awkward ones. A few years ago on the school run, Dylan (then eight) asked me how babies were made. Completely unprepared, I… Continue reading