Things that help
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Do the scary things
Since J’s suicide, I’ve tried very hard to do more scary things. I don’t mean dangerous or extreme stuff. Just things that scare me, are outside of my comfort zone. I’ve spoken before about my dating life. Update: it hasn’t improved since writing that post. I still live in the sticks, in a village that… Continue reading
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Chain Reaction
The kids still talk about J a lot, usually to reminisce about something funny he said or did. It yanks me backwards, when I am trying to move forwards, towards the future. I have been single since he died, and the thing I miss most about him is his sense of adventure, his childish delight… Continue reading
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DO MORE ART
My average daily screen-time is creeping up, week on week. There’s me nagging the boys in a post-Adolescence panic, and all the while my own screen addiction has oh-so-quietly unfurled its wicked tendrils and wrapped them around me. I’ve just checked again and my daily average for last week, I am embarrassed to say, was… Continue reading
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Who (will) let the dogs out?
One of my dogs was poorly a couple of weeks ago. With it came the stark realisation that my two dogs have played an integral part in my recovery from J’s suicide. It started with an ingested piece of dried grass, stuck in my dog’s throat. It’s been so dry recently, the vet said they’ve… Continue reading
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Thing theory
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff. I have a lot of it, I want less of it. I have an urge to simplify my life after losing J to suicide. In films when someone dies, their room is left untouched with the door kept closed. Like a shrine, there is an aversion to… Continue reading
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Drinking and grieving, grieving and drinking
I have been sober for seven months. Before anyone thinks I am super-human, this is only something I was ready to try after the two-year anniversary of J’s suicide. I should also add that drinking isn’t a coping mechanism I employed consistently in my grief. In the days or weeks (I can’t remember) following his… Continue reading
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The Lawnmower
I mowed the lawn today. So did half of the UK quite likely, on this glorious May weekend. So, big whoop, I hear you say, why even mention it? Well, mowing the lawn is a big deal to me, that’s why. My financial independence has always been important to me. I think subconsciously, seeing my… Continue reading
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The first few months
The first few months after losing J to suicide were, unsurprisingly, the hardest. During that time, I wrote to him every single day. Writing to J made me feel closer to him and gave me somewhere to offload what was happening, in a way that I couldn’t do anywhere else. I recently listened to a… Continue reading