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Lessons learnt
I think I’m done. Not with navigating life on my own, but the opposite. I’m done with dwelling on how J’s suicide has affected me. Normally what I want to write on these blog posts comes to me organically. Inspired by day-to-day events and how they link back to what happened. But these last few… Continue reading
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Halloween
It’s coming up to Halloween and I have teenagers. My eldest, Dylan, isn’t remotely interested (aside from insisting Nathan shares his haul.) Nathan, still wants to go trick-or-treating. This year he is going dressed up as a badger. I think he only wants to go because it’s one of the few times he gets access… Continue reading
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Ways of Grieving
Today is the two year anniversary of mum’s death. A few weeks ago my dad called my sister to ask her permission to take his new ‘friend’ to our holiday home on Andros. He told my sister he wasn’t sure how to broach it with me. When I called him, he told me they were… Continue reading
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Current state of affairs
I’ve been thinking a lot about current affairs recently, and their effect on mental health. A couple of weeks ago I engaged in a Facebook post. I normally lurk. The algorithm mostly spits up posts from people who have retired early and are living their best lives. I think it’s trying to tell me something.… Continue reading
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Do the scary things
Since J’s suicide, I’ve tried very hard to do more scary things. I don’t mean dangerous or extreme stuff. Just things that scare me, are outside of my comfort zone. I’ve spoken before about my dating life. Update: it hasn’t improved since writing that post. I still live in the sticks, in a village that… Continue reading
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Chain Reaction
The kids still talk about J a lot, usually to reminisce about something funny he said or did. It yanks me backwards, when I am trying to move forwards, towards the future. I have been single since he died, and the thing I miss most about him is his sense of adventure, his childish delight… Continue reading
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DO MORE ART
My average daily screen-time is creeping up, week on week. There’s me nagging the boys in a post-Adolescence panic, and all the while my own screen addiction has oh-so-quietly unfurled its wicked tendrils and wrapped them around me. I’ve just checked again and my daily average for last week, I am embarrassed to say, was… Continue reading
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Who (will) let the dogs out?
One of my dogs was poorly a couple of weeks ago. With it came the stark realisation that my two dogs have played an integral part in my recovery from J’s suicide. It started with an ingested piece of dried grass, stuck in my dog’s throat. It’s been so dry recently, the vet said they’ve… Continue reading
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Dating after loss
When is the right time to start dating after you’ve experienced a a loss? Especially a loss by suicide? I’m damned if I know… As with everything grief-related, it’s different for everyone. People helpfully tell you that it will happen when you least expect it. So you turn up to every work do, art club,… Continue reading
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Thing theory
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff. I have a lot of it, I want less of it. I have an urge to simplify my life after losing J to suicide. In films when someone dies, their room is left untouched with the door kept closed. Like a shrine, there is an aversion to… Continue reading
