blog
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Halloween
It’s coming up to Halloween and I have teenagers. My eldest, Dylan, isn’t remotely interested (aside from insisting Nathan shares his haul.) Nathan, still wants to go trick-or-treating. This year he is going dressed up as a badger. I think he only wants to go because it’s one of the few times he gets access… Continue reading
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Ways of Grieving
Today is the two year anniversary of mum’s death. A few weeks ago my dad called my sister to ask her permission to take his new ‘friend’ to our holiday home on Andros. He told my sister he wasn’t sure how to broach it with me. When I called him, he told me they were… Continue reading
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Current state of affairs
I’ve been thinking a lot about current affairs recently, and their effect on mental health. A couple of weeks ago I engaged in a Facebook post. I normally lurk. The algorithm mostly spits up posts from people who have retired early and are living their best lives. I think it’s trying to tell me something.… Continue reading
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Do the scary things
Since J’s suicide, I’ve tried very hard to do more scary things. I don’t mean dangerous or extreme stuff. Just things that scare me, are outside of my comfort zone. I’ve spoken before about my dating life. Update: it hasn’t improved since writing that post. I still live in the sticks, in a village that… Continue reading
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Chain Reaction
The kids still talk about J a lot, usually to reminisce about something funny he said or did. It yanks me backwards, when I am trying to move forwards, towards the future. I have been single since he died, and the thing I miss most about him is his sense of adventure, his childish delight… Continue reading
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DO MORE ART
My average daily screen-time is creeping up, week on week. There’s me nagging the boys in a post-Adolescence panic, and all the while my own screen addiction has oh-so-quietly unfurled its wicked tendrils and wrapped them around me. I’ve just checked again and my daily average for last week, I am embarrassed to say, was… Continue reading
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Drinking and grieving, grieving and drinking
I have been sober for seven months. Before anyone thinks I am super-human, this is only something I was ready to try after the two-year anniversary of J’s suicide. I should also add that drinking isn’t a coping mechanism I employed consistently in my grief. In the days or weeks (I can’t remember) following his… Continue reading
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Autism and Grief
It sounds really cliché to say that there are many layers to a bereavement, but it’s true. Perhaps even more so with a bereavement by suicide. It’s been three years and (as is probably quite evident from this blog), I still haven’t fully wrapped my head around any of it. And then there’s trying to… Continue reading
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Do you believe in life after love?
A couple of nights ago, an episode of atrial fibrillation woke me up in the middle of the night. It’s an unpleasant sensation, not painful but uncomfortable enough to make me aware it’s happening. The added bonus is that the more I worry about it, the worse I feel it’s getting. I got up to… Continue reading